Yours is Not the Plan For You

A few months ago, if you asked me what I wanted to do I'd tell you I want to go to WSU and pursue a collegiate education. Anything short of which would be a complete failure in my eyes and I would be left behind. Fast forward to now and I wish I hadn't been so ignorant. My family is working hard to try and afford this place for me and nothing is working. Everyone talks about how helpful the people at French Administration are, I've seen nothing of them for me to consider them helpful. It's always the same advice from them no matter who I see, "Oh, just apply for a private loan and things will work out." I've got news for you, it doesn't help when you get rejected for everything you apply for. Nothing has worked out. Now I'm looking at being kicked out of my dorm room because we haven't been able to pay for the last month of rent.

IT'S LIKE I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

As much as I wanted to be here a few months ago, I'm ready to be done. I've learned nothing from classes. I'm wasting money and time re-learning everything I learned in middle school and high school. Professors aren't helpful. People aren't worth getting to know. The "education" isn't worth twenty-thousand. I've been told that I need to "look at it in the long run." The long-run is nothing but an illusion we try to use to justify the ludicrous spending we do for another four plus years of education. This whole situation that I've put my family in isn't worth it. I've been humbled and reduced to nothing in my time in Pullman. I came here to learn that I'm not supposed to be here. It's clearly evident, as my family and I have taken all the steps necessary for anyone else to afford it. We always fall short. Why don't I just take the hint, pack my stuff up, and stay at home after I finish off the semester? It would be a lot better for everybody. I can stop trying in vain to do something I'm not supposed to be doing.

I don't know where I should be in life right now, but I do know that it's not here. I've accepted it and will have to come to terms with it later. Who knows, maybe Olympia will be my home again by the time the end of the month rolls along.